Bar study update

Toddler.
Full-time law firm job.
Studying for the bar exam.

Any two out of the three would be plenty, but all three at the same time is... challenging.

Work has been heating up, which would otherwise be good except that I'm getting way behind on my studying. Two different partners have talked about pulling me in on big projects -- I had to tell one of them that I wouldn't be around in the time frame that she needs me, and I need to talk to the other one to make sure he knows I'll be out for half of July. Where was all this work a month or two ago when I was sitting around wishing for something to do?

I'm two days behind on the Barbri lectures and about a week and a half behind on the assignments. Every spare moment I have -- at least, when I have the mental capacity to process -- I'm studying. I pop in the headphones to listen to the lectures as soon as I step out the door in the morning and while I'm waiting for the elevator on my way out of work. Last night after K woke me up at 3 a.m., I stayed up and studied until 4:30. I've done the 3 a.m. studying multiple times, in fact -- I can't get back to sleep like I used to. Too much going on.

On the bright side, it's good to be billing some hours and I'm still enjoying the bar studying. I think I'd be miserable trapped in a room for 4 hours every day, but walking along listening to somebody talk about wills on the iPod is fine with me -- it's like listening to an audiobook. And in a way I think it's good to have work to distract me from studying. (But if you have a choice, part-time is definitely the way to go.)

Once July 31st rolls around, I'll have so much time I won't know what to do with myself. I can renew my efforts to learn to play piano. I can read BOOKS again. We can finally watch the entire season of Lost that we have stored up on our TiVo!

Meanwhile, I'll cram in as much as I can. I'm taking a few weeks off before the bar exam and I'll try to catch up then. But for now I am much busier than I would like.

(P.S. - Please don't tell me, "Don't worry, you'll do fine." Did I say I was worried? No. I just said I was taking the bar exam. And if you want to tell me your personal bar story, I'm happy to hear it, but leave out the "All I did was X, Y, and Z, and I passed, so you'll pass too!" This is not helpful.)

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Point seven

Met a Very Important Partner from another law firm. Somebody asked how many lawyers at his firm. He answered, "243.7."

"Point seven?"
"If you count up the people working part time."
"Oh, I thought it might be because one of the attorneys is eight months pregnant," I joked. (I acknowledge it wasn't all that funny, but that's what popped into my head when I heard the point seven.)

He looked alarmed and laughed while putting up his hands in a "whoa" position as if I had said something wildly inappropriate, and replied, "You can say that, but I can't."

Then it was my turn to do the alarmed laugh. "Was that offensive? Sorry, I didn't realize."

I'm not sure whether he heard me, but he said, "I have to know someone pretty well before I tell an off-color joke."

Off-color? After racking my brain, I can only think of three ways this could be remotely offensive:

1. Any reference to pregnancy is taboo. (Pregnancy typically results from sex, thus off-color?)
2. Reference to baby as .7 of a person is offensive. (Maybe he reads those church brochures that chastise you for saying you're "going to" have a baby, because from the moment of conception you already have a baby.)
3. He thought I meant that the pregnant attorney herself was only .7 of a person.

None sounds plausible. (Unless he thought that by #3 I meant that somebody close to having a baby might take maternity leave and be gone for a while, and so they wouldn't add up to a full lawyer? In which case, he really shouldn't have laughed at all.)

Anyway, I guess I should have kept my mouth shut. Next time I will limit my conversation to the weather and appropriate legal topics until I have a sense of what the person considers "off-color." Then I'll let loose with my best jokes about the pregnant attorney, Bill Clinton, and the Pope.

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Potty time begins

"I'm ready to poo!" said K this morning.

He has never announced this before. Usually he'll play quietly by himself and avoid attracting my attention after he poops, to put off the diaper change as long as possible.

"Do you want to poo on the potty?" I asked him.
"Yes!" he replied.

Once we got his diaper off, he didn't want to sit on the toilet. I can't blame him. But I asked if he wanted his own potty, and he said yes. Actually, he said, "Thomas potty." I did some research and ordered him this frog potty instead. I explained that the Thomas potty had hard plastic pieces that would scrape him, and he agreed to accept the frog potty instead. (And once again, I'm so glad K is not a baby anymore. It is such a relief to deal with a relatively rational person who understands what you say.)

My niece's birthday party was this weekend, and one of her presents was The Potty Book for Girls. K found it and asked me to read it three or four times in a row. I am pretty sure that's what inspired today's foray into pottydom.

I don't think we're going to push potty training, but I guess we'll start thinking about it and encouraging him to use the potty when he feels like it. So far we haven't actually "trained" him to do anything -- he learned how to walk and eat with a spoon and drink out of a regular cup on his own. Maybe using the potty could be another thing that he decides to do by himself? That's what I'm hoping, anyway -- I keep hearing all these things about feeding your kids salty foods and setting a timer and making them sit on the potty every half hour, and it all seems a little excessive and kind of unfair for the kid. If he's still in diapers by the time he's three, I'll think about using the official training techniques.

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"Avoid marriage"

The Internets are abuzz with news of Sandra Tsing Loh's divorce and, more specifically, her anti-marriage essay in the Atlantic (which I first came across through Amber).

So here's what I got out of this piece:

• Marriage requires too much work.
  
• So much work, in fact, that most people just don't have the temperament for it.
  
• Women are especially unsatisfied because they are expected to initiate and/or do most of that work.
  
• We in the U.S. tend to overemphasize the importance of marriage, and have an unrealistic view of it, leading us to have a high divorce rate.
  
• Married couples in their 40s and up rarely, if ever, have sex.

Leaving aside the last item, of which I have no personal knowledge, I think she makes some good points. (Side note: JW said this article made him throw up. Those were his exact words.) I agree that many people enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations and without understanding the work it's going to take, and that eventually they find themselves unwilling or unable to keep their marriages going. And I agree that it's a good idea for people to think carefully about whether they are suited for marriage, and to consider alternatives without being stigmatized.

It's scary if you think she's saying that this breakdown is inevitable, that after a time your marriage just wears out and you can't bring yourself to rekindle it yet again.

But I can't believe that, because among all the reasons she lists for staying married (for the dual income, for the kids, to avoid being alone, to prove that we can) she never once mentions her actual husband.

So, I do think post-divorce anti-marriage screeds tend to be a little reductionist: my marriage failed, so marriage is a bad idea. But it didn't make me throw up.

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The greatest gift a bar exam studier can receive

At orchestra rehearsal, a friend asked how bar studying was going. "I was just listening to a lecture on the way over," I replied. "I can tell you anything you want to know about defamation."

I expected her to laugh and change the subject, but instead she said, "Really? I've always wanted to know about defamation!" And she really did. She asked me hypos for the rest of the night, every time we paused between songs.

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Weekend baking

Blueberry oatmeal muffins: recipe from the oatmeal canister, or maybe it was the yogurt container. Anyway, tasty, pretty healthy muffins, with that characteristic springy texture that yogurt provides.

Recipe:
Wet: 1 egg, 1.5 cups yogurt, 1/4 cup butter*, 2/3 cup brown sugar
Dry: 1 1/4 cups flour, 1 cup oats, 2 teaspoons baking powder, 1/2 teaspoon baking soda, 1/4 teaspoon salt
And: 1 cup blueberries (I used frozen)
Bake 20-25 minutes at 400 degrees.

The recipe also calls for cinnamon and nutmeg, which I didn't use; I added vanilla instead. And I'm pretty sure I messed up and only used 2T butter. Maybe I'll make them again and try ground cardamom.

Popovers: from Joy of Cooking. How did I never make these before? I make the occasional batch of gougeres, but these taste pretty much the same and take almost no time to make. They're not even terribly bad for you.

Recipe:
Wet: 2 eggs, 1T melted butter, 1 1/4 cups milk
Dry: 1 cup flour, 1/2 teaspoon salt
I made a cheese version with about a tablespoon of grated cheese in the middle of each one (fill muffin tins 1/3 of the way up, put in cheese, then put in the rest of the batter).

Bake 20 minutes at 450 and then another 15 minutes at 350, except this was too long in my oven -- I'd reduce the time by a couple of minutes for each step. Actually, upon researching, I think next time I'll take the advice of starting from a cold oven instead of preheating. Also, next time I'll add my usual mustard and dash of Worcestershire sauce. And there will be a next time, probably soon.

Dinner tonight? Broiled tofu from the Moosewood Cookbook and an Asian noodle salad with slivered red pepper and zucchini -- or, as I told K, "triangles and spaghetti." It's all in the advertising. (And he ate it happily.)

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2 years, 3 months

Dear K,

Lately you are obsessed with bees. "Want to go outside and see the bees!" you tell us, several times a day. And you repeat the advice we have given you: "Look, but don't touch a bee. It can sting you!"

You also like singing "Happy birthday" to everything. Today it was "Happy birthday to tomatoes," which you ate for dinner.

A few days in a row you kept saying, "A bean! A bean!" and laughing. I couldn't figure it out. Then Daddy came home yesterday and told me that you had gotten in a fight with Amin at school because you kept calling him "a bean" and he kept insisting his name was Amin. We straightened that out, and now you know it's "Amin. NOT a bean." Hopefully now you two can be friends. You said he wasn't your friend because "he tackles you." But Armaan is your friend. Why? "He NEVER tackles you." Somehow I do not believe this is your criteria for friendship, since I've seen you and your best friend at school push each other down on purpose and then laugh.

When you were a baby, you developed a habit of waving at me from across the room and calling, "Hi!" to signal that you were about to do something wrong. A few months ago, you would look shifty and say, "Mommy go away." Your latest is to scowl and say, "Want to kick!" or "Want to dump it on the floor!" I appreciate the warning. Sometimes it's even early enough to stop you.

"Want" is how you start half of your sentences these days. At school they told me that your "intentional speech" is very advanced for your age. If this is what they mean, I believe it. You are not shy about telling us what you want. Mostly I think this is good, because often if I ask you to stop whining and tell me what you need, you do. And I'm happy to read you "The Grouchy Ladybug" yet again once I know that's what you want.

Despite your constantly demanding things, you have excellent manners. You've got "please" and "thank you" down, and you even share! I was worried there for a while, because when kids approached you while you were playing with a train you used to yell at them, not yell anything specific but more of a sort of primate shriek warning them to back away, and it generally worked. But for the past few months? "K, that girl would like to play with the yellow truck. Would you give her a turn?" And you hand it right over and don't look back. Amazing.

You are such a little boy these days, and I'm enjoying being able to have entire conversations with you, hear your jokes, and learn about your what's on your mind. You are BIG, as you like to point out, and I'm glad.

Love,
Mommy

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Haircut #4

This time we went to Lulu's Kids' Cuts in Cambridge, on the recommendation of several moms on one of the local mailing lists. Great place, although pricey, with toys to make the wait go faster. K grabbed some trucks and played happily -- until it was time to get in the chair. Then he started SCREAMING like he was being tortured. The hairdresser actually had tears in her eyes. She kept stopping to try to comfort and/or distract him, and finally the salon owner yelled at her, "Stop that! Just cut his hair as fast as you can! Can't you see he's traumatized?"

In other words, pretty routine haircut for K. The moment it was over, he went back to playing with trucks and didn't want to leave.

Before:


After:

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Reflection

I caught sight of my reflection in the window while riding the T.

First thought: "Wow, I look pretty today."
Second thought: "Hmm, I look different today."
Third thought: "That's not me. That's the reflection of the girl sitting next to me."

I try to cultivate a zenlike calm. Maybe it's working. But somehow I doubt that if I really woke up with a different face, I would react with calm acceptance.

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How to exit a conversation

Usually I look to CT, the journal-keeper, as the repository of college memories. But this is one she didn't remember, so I'm recording it here.

We were in yet another endless conversation with Boring Person, who said something about walking. Either CT or I replied, "Speaking of walking, have you heard about... running?"
"No. What about running?"
"I hear that it gets you places even faster than walking!"
"Really? Let's try it!"
And we turned and raced away from Boring Person, who was hopefully more bewildered than offended.

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First week of Barbri - ARGH.

Tuesday: First day of class. I get a preview of what the rest of the summer might be like: after being swamped at work all morning, I rush out of the office and arrive at class 15 minutes late, after taking three different trains. I doze off halfway through because I'm exhausted and skipped lunch. I spend half of class checking my work email. (I sat around all day yesterday, but today I'm suddenly in demand.) I get home in time to spend 15 minutes with K before heading out to a meeting, then log back in to work when I get back home.

Wednesday: I decide to shell out for the self-study iPod option. The firm won't pay for it, but it may just keep me sane for the next two months. Considering that I am paying Barbri a crapload of money for something that's nearly free for them to provide, they give me a really hard time. I trek out to their office in person in the morning and have a much longer and more annoying version of the following conversation:

Me: I want to switch to the self-study because I'm working full-time and it's too hard for me to travel out here every day. Can I send you the self-study form?
Them: No, you have to submit it in person. And we need a copy of your driver's license.
Me: Okay, I'll fill it out here. Here's my license.
Them: Our copier is broken. You'll have to come back.
Me: Can I fax the license?
Them: No, you have to give us everything at once.
Me: I can't fax it?
Them: No.
Me: Seriously, I have to come back again?
Them: Yes.
Me: Seriously?? I have to come back AGAIN??? Just to give you a photocopy of my license?? [Note: this was not my first time there, and it takes about forty minutes to get there from work.]
Them: Or you could just fax it.
Me: [head explodes]
Them: By the way, we may not have any more iPods available, but we won't check until we get the form with your credit card information.
Me: Can you check now?
Them: We really need the form first.

I went back AGAIN later that day, brought everything they could possibly need, and left triumphantly with the iPod.

That night, I sat down with my lecture handout book, and... couldn't find the iPod. Shit.

Thursday: Freak out. Look everywhere.

Thursday night: JW finds the iPod in the basement.

Friday: Finish listening to Wednesday's lecture.

So... yeah, rocky start. I think I spent as many hours dealing with Barbri this week as I did studying, and I am already behind and not quite sure when I'll catch up.

The actual studying, though? I kind of like it. I was one of those weirdos who loved 1L year, and this is a lot like that all over again. And I don't have anyone around to stress me out, since I'm working and not taking the class. But I may change my tune in July.

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Middle child

Last night I dreamed that I had a new baby girl. Her name was Susie.

Then this other kid started reading a book to Susie. "Look, he can read!" said JW. And I realized that was OUR kid, our second child, in between K and Susie. I had just forgotten he existed. I didn't even remember his name. (But I thought, "I'll just wait until he gets in trouble and then JW will say his name.") This kid had light skin and blond hair. He looked nothing like me and K, but he did look a lot like JW as a little boy.

I was relieved when I woke up and I wasn't actually a terrible mother.

(But maybe it means I'm neglecting my husband? Any theories welcome.)

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Update

We spent Saturday morning on the Island of Sodor. I'd post a picture, but K is scowling in all of them. He loved the bouncy castle, but wasn't as big a fan of the train ride on Thomas. (At least he was not one of the many toddlers throwing a tantrum and screaming, "I want to get off the train!")

Today I had no work to do. I studied for the bar all day. In general, I'm not that anxious about work being slow, but days like today worry me. Especially when it seems like other people are busy and I'm sitting around.

Tonight I had my first orchestra rehearsal! I picked up my violin again recently after not having played in years. I missed playing in a group. The outdoor pops concert is at the end of the month. We're playing, among other things, "The Journey of Phyllis Wheatley," narrated by the mayor of Cambridge, and a Star Trek medley.

On the way home I stopped at the supermarket and saw a magazine cover with Melissa Joan Hart wearing a bikini. It had a picture of a 20-pounds heavier version of her, with quote saying, "I realized that just because I have kids doesn't mean I have to be fat!" Why must you taunt me, Melissa Joan Hart? For about a month and a half now, I've been waking up at 5:30 to work out, but then K will wake up three times one night or get up at 5 in the morning, or I'll stay out late, and the workout schedule will be thrown off for days. I'm in the second week of thwarted workouts and my pants are getting tight. Even though I know I need exercise, it's just too complicated to fit in consistently.

Tomorrow bar classes start, and I have to pick up my twenty pounds of books. We'll see if I manage to stay awake through four hours of lecture a day for seven weeks.

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