Too much two

Lately I've been feeling a little toddlered out. I've been gritting my teeth at behavior that I would normally shrug off, or even find charming. (For example, today I woke up at 6 a.m. to a rhythmic chant of "WIPE MY SNOT. WIPE MY SNOT.")

Maybe that's why this NYT piece by Tim Kreider, a single man in his forties, resonated with me:

Most of my married friends now have children, the rewards of which appear to be exclusively intangible and, like the mysteries of some gnostic sect, incommunicable to outsiders. In fact it seems from the outside as if these people have joined a dubious cult: they claim to be much happier and more fulfilled than ever before, even though they live in conditions of appalling filth and degradation, deprived of the most basic freedoms and dignity, and owe unquestioning obedience to a capricious and demented master.

I have never even idly thought for a single passing second that it might make my life nicer to have a small, rude, incontinent person follow me around screaming and making me buy them stuff for the rest of my life.

Then again, this part is also true:

But there are also moments when some part of me wonders whether I am not only missing the biological boat but something I cannot even begin to imagine — an entire dimension of human experience undetectable to my senses, like a flatlander scoffing at the theoretical concept of sky.

Back in my pre-child days, I had so much free time that I used to wish I could occasionally trade places with my future harried mom self and give her a break while spending a lovely evening with my future offspring. (One of the often overlooked advantages of time travel: free babysitting!) It's been a while since I thought about that, but today I wished that I could trade places for one day with the mom of teenaged K. She would probably be nostalgically thrilled to wipe snot and read "Babar and the Scary Day" ten zillion times in a row. And even though I'd miss him yelling "You're Cookie Monster. I'm a cookie!" and running around with no pants on, I would happily hang out with an older K, eye-rolling and all. I bet by the end of the day, my future self and I would be glad to switch back.

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Socks on

"NO! Don't take my clothes off. I don't want to get in the tub!"

"Do you want to take your socks off by yourself, or should I take them off for you?"

K considered, and then replied: "I just want to keep my socks on."

Argh! That "do you want X or Y" trick is a staple in my parenting repertoire. I knew it wouldn't work forever. I just didn't think he'd figure out so soon that he could invent a third alternative.

Another recent K-ism: he has no problem loudly and repeatedly saying NO, until I ask him an actual yes-or-no question, like "Do you want to go for a walk?" Then he replies, "Uh, I don't think so, Mommy. I don't think that's a good idea."

He's also been saying "I don't know" a lot, even to things he clearly does know. He figured out that we would stop pestering him to think for himself and just tell him the answer if he says he doesn't know. But we eventually caught on and now we're back to pestering.

We got a digital clock for his room (to reinforce a new rule: wake-up time does not start until 6-0-0! Don't make any noise until the first number is 6!) and he has become interested in numbers, reading them off signs and boxes and whatever we see. But he usually reads them backwards. He often reads letters right to left, too. We've been reading to him so much for his entire life that I was a little surprised to realize that he didn't get the concept of reading from top to bottom and left to right. But of course, I don't move my finger as I read, and he's looking at the pictures. He is starting to make out the letters and can read a few words (on, off, go). I've been attempting to read a little in Bengali to remind myself how hard it is to read when first you have to figure out what all the letters are.

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Memo to myself

On the subject of being a corporate lawyer, here is a lesson I've had to keep learning over and over again:

NEVER STOP READING.

Don't read just the first page of a document and conclude that it's not what you're looking for.
Don't breeze through a provision, assuming that it's identical to all the other provisions you've seen in the same type of agreement by the same party.
Do not ever skip a single word in an email or letter. In fact, read those three or four times.
When reading a provision in an agreement, read the entire section and skim the entire agreement.
When reading a statute, skim the entire chapter or at least look through the table of contents.

I read a haiku on someone's blog once (I thought it was googiebaba, who has demonstrated haiku talent, but couldn't find it on her blog) about how the writer was bored and exhausted, but must pay attention to every word, because that's her job.

Maybe writing it here will help it to finally sink in.

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Being a first-year corporate associate

Part of the reason I haven't felt inspired to post lately is that I am now an employee. My days don't vary that much and I'm wary about my blog being discovered and scrutinized. But I remember being eager to hear what being a junior corporate lawyer is really like.

Here's what it's like: I spend my days drafting agreements and consents, explaining things to people over the phone, and looking at spreadsheets and trying to figure out where all the numbers come from. A good chunk of the time, I'm doing something I have never done before, which can be anxiety-inducing when it's something with potential consequences like a securities filing. Sometimes I have three different people looking at what I produce, all of them giving me conflicting instructions. Sometimes I wish I could get someone to look at what I'm doing. I sit around for half the afternoon and just as I'm contemplating going home, I start getting phone calls with assignments that have to get done by the end of the day. (The end of the day really means the end, as in, when I'm too tired to stay awake any longer.) I do a fair amount of pro bono work with nonprofits, lots of venture capital financings of private companies, and the occasional random health care / FDA / hedge fund assignment. Like all the other associates, I worry about job security and whether I'm contributing anything useful. I like my job most when I'm interacting directly with a client (and actually know what I'm talking about) or when I can see the big picture of helping a nonprofit get tax-exempt status or helping a biotech client raise enough money to get through its next round of clinical trials. I like my job least when I'm feeling isolated in my office, needing guidance but not being able to find anyone to talk to me. I feel like there are so many different areas to learn about that it will take me years and years to get any real expertise. At the same time, I know there are documents I can draft in half an hour now that would have taken me three hours a few months ago.

It doesn't sound terribly exciting, and when I read PBB I feel like I should be doing something with a bigger impact, like maybe practicing corporate law isn't fulfilling my true lawyerly potential. I do help people. But not, for the most part, people who wouldn't otherwise be helped, and not in such an immediate way. Anyway, I am turning my altruistic inclinations in other directions for now, and I like the job so far.

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Or if you only have five minutes

Watch this video, K's current obsession.



It's from They Might Be Giants' new album Here Comes Science, which has been on constant rotation in our house since it arrived last week. Many of the songs are a little advanced for a 2-year old, but that hasn't stopped K. ("Mommy, what's DNA?" Uh...)

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What you should do with that twenty minutes of free time you manage to scrape together over the course of three days

Read this story.

(I just kept it on my iPhone browser and every time I had to wait for anything, I would read some more.)

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Catching up

I think this is the longest I've ever gone without updating.

Life has been uncomfortably busy. Both JW and I are involved in major projects outside of work. 

K's 2.5-year doctor's appointment went smoothly, thanks to the "I Go to the Doctor" story in his "About Me" Childcraft book. He's still asking to read the story, days after seeing the doctor. K has grown 1 inch and gained 2 pounds in the last 6 months. He drew in his breath to yell when he got his flu shot, but what came out was "Stickos?" (which the doctor had wisely offered while giving the shot).

Things I have been thinking / learning about lately:

Boston public school choice.

Handwriting.

Playback Theater.

Beginning guitar. (I can play three songs now!)

Books I have read:

The Perfect Fruit by Chip Brantley. Now I know all about the stone fruit industry.

Something Missing by Matthew Dicks. I loved this book. It's been a while since I read a novel that I loved. It's about a career criminal who gets to know his "clients" so well (by making regular acquisitions from their homes) that he finds himself noticing things that are wrong in their lives and trying to fix them. 

Things I have baked:
Pumpkin oatmeal muffins with apricot preserves from the Moosewood Cookbook. I left out the oil by accident and they were still good. Plus, they use pantry ingredients. The preserves made a little hole in the center of each muffin, though.
Zucchini, carrot, and pineapple cake. Was supposed to be muffins, but I couldn't find the muffin tin. Got rave reviews.
Spinach and basil muffins, with heavy modifications to this recipe. I liked them and would make them again. I'm not sure how everybody else felt -- they were probably expecting more traditional muffins.
I guess I've been on a muffin kick. Planned for today: Nancy Silverton's bran muffins. (Also, empanadas and salted caramel ice cream. We're having friends over for dinner.)

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