Thanksgiving

My Thanksgiving-ruining deal unexpectedly got pushed back a week. Hooray!

Since I had cleared my schedule to work on that deal, I ended up having nothing to do and leaving early for Thanksgiving as planned. We went down to my parents' house, as always. Both my in-laws and my sister-in-law's parents joined us, along with the same family friends we have every year. I made pumpkin cheesecake, browned butter chocolate chip cookies, chocolate bourbon pecan pie, sauteed green beans, and a vegetarian entree of roasted mushrooms and caramelized zucchini and onions wrapped in puff pastry. My mom was in charge of the turkey and a salad. She also roasted seven pounds of sweet potatoes the night before and then forgot to serve them. SIL made the mashed potatoes and stuffing. It being my parents' house, the rest was supplied by "Mrs. Costco." (My mother is addicted.) The kids ran around and played hide and seek. A lovely time was had by all. I am grateful for nearly everything in my life right now, but on Thanksgiving I'm always reminded of how thankful I am for my wonderful, kind, drama-free extended family including all the various in-laws and their families. Our siblings chose their spouses well and we all married into happy families.

Friday we attended an annaprashan (six-month baby ceremony) at an Indian restaurant for a family friend's daughter. Part of the ceremony is for the baby to pick an item from a tray that traditionally contains a pen, a book, some dirt, and money, along with whatever else the parents choose to add. The baby's choice is supposed to represent what they'll do in the future. The book was bright yellow and she went straight for it. Afterwards, we headed to the Bronx to see JW's grandmother, then back to the parents' house for leftovers and bed.

Saturday was a full day in the Bronx with JW's family. His aunt and uncle and their three kids had just arrived from New Zealand, and the New York/New Jersey contingent of his family all came out to see them. K hid behind me for a minute, but couldn't resist his rambunctious cousins for too long. At one point, the older kids were roughhousing and K came up and anxiously tugged on my sweater. "Mommy, they're not being nice to each other!" He's such an only child.

Sunday we spent one relaxed day at home, then packed up again and drove to JW's parents' house at night. On Friday, JW found out that one of his close friends had passed away after a long illness. The funeral was Monday. Going to a friend's funeral is an experience I hope I won't repeat for at least a few decades. It was amazing how many people showed up and how every single person talked about how eternally optimistic he was and how he never had an unkind word for anyone. I can't imagine anyone else in my life, including myself, that I could truthfully describe that way.

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The looming specter of maternity leave

A partner I work with closely said, referring to my maternity leave, "I don't know what I'll do when you're gone!" Before I got to enjoy the compliment, he mentioned that he had brought in several new clients lately. Ordinarily he'd bring me in to work on those clients with him, but he didn't because he anticipated that the work would heat up during my leave. Fair enough, although it sucks. I knew I wouldn't be staffed on certain clients or matters because of my leave. I just didn't think it would start happening so soon.

He did throw me a bone by saying he would potentially be working on some big deals and would try to staff me on them instead. Which is why I worked all weekend and can't leave for Thanksgiving when we planned. I know that as a good junior associate, I should be thrilled, but honestly? Not so much. (I'm not trying to complain too much -- I know that it's good experience, good to rack up some hours, and this is what they pay me for. It's just not a great substitution for me.)

The conversation reminded me of an ethics/harassment seminar I had to take. One of the scenarios discussed in the seminar involved a partner telling an associate not to get pregnant within the next year because he wanted to staff her on a big case. That one, to my surprise, generated lots of controversy -- people had widely differing views about whether that was appropriate. Of course, my situation is different because I've already announced that I plan on taking maternity leave next year. I understand the reality of wanting to minimize disruption for clients, and I'd rather have someone tell me to my face why they're not staffing me instead of having to wonder. But I think the leave will be a bigger deal than I thought. I'm not a litigator -- I can't just return to the office and get on a few big cases that will give me a steady stream of work. I work primarily with startups and rely on having a pipeline, since my clients are cost-sensitive and we may not hear from them for a while if they don't have major legal needs. I'll be missing out on nearly a year's worth of clients.

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Manners

While waiting on line at a local cafe popular with parents of young kids, I heard an earsplitting shriek of, "I WANT MORE! DADDY, I WANT MORE!"

I had to laugh, thinking about how this request would be received at our house -- with a raised eyebrow and an immediate revision to "I mean, could I have some more, please?"

Occasionally I worry that I'm a little too permissive with K. I can often be prevailed upon for one more book or five more minutes of playtime. But about some things, we're sticklers.

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Snails

Every day, on our walk to school, we look out for snails. The first thing we discuss when we leave the house is how many snails we might see that day, based on the weather and our recent sightings. For a while there was one yard where we'd see dozens of them. Then they moved down the street and attached themselves to a neighbor's stairs. Lately they seem to have disappeared.

Today, K paused in front of a house. "Oh, a crack in the sidewalk!" he said. "Cracks in the sidewalk are good hiding places for snails. Let's look and see if we can find any."

We looked, but we didn't find any snails.

K was disappointed, but not surprised. "I think the snails have gone away for the winter," he said. "Maybe they are -- what's that word that means sleeping, Mommy?" "Hibernating." "Yes, hibernating."

Once in a while, when we have conversations like this, all I can think of is how two years ago his speech consisted of "Bah" and "Gah".

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Indians

I dropped off K late this morning. Free play had ended and they were already doing circle time. The teacher was holding up a picture of a teepee and telling the kids about Indians. As I walked out, I heard K asking, "Did they live a long time ago?"

K knows a little about India. We have a book about it. He knows that it's so far away that you have to go on a plane for a whole day to get there. He knows we have family there and that his grandparents grew up there and recently returned from a long visit. He knows that some things in our house come from India. But I'm not sure if we've ever used the term "Indian" to describe anything or anyone.

Tonight I might just have to blow K's mind by informing him that HE is an Indian.

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Party weekend

Saturday was our housewarming party, our first major social event in the new house. It was a success! Whenever we have parties, I'm always paranoid that nobody will show up. And in fact, only a handful of our outside friends did show up. A few of them cancelled at the last minute, and a few others came unexpectedly. But lots of neighbors and friends from town came, which was great. Everyone oohed and aahed over the house, and the food that I spent all morning cooking disappeared. (Except the desserts. I'm a dessert fiend, so I always make sure to have at least three choices including at least one non-chocolate option. But it always turns out that real grown-ups would rather have real food. Anyway, no big deal -- all those mini-cheesecakes in the freezer will eventually be eaten. By me.)

Today I took K to his first friend party. A little girl in his class turned four and invited everyone to an indoor playground. I was a little surprised that he clung to my hand for a while and even after getting comfortable in the space, played by himself and didn't interact much with his classmates. During lunch he wanted me to sit next to him and mostly talked to me. Luckily, the outgoing birthday girl was right across from him and engaged him in conversation a few times. Unluckily, she kept giggling about how she was going to put cake on her butt, and K repeated that to her father. The father took it in stride. He may have been the one who started it. K had a great time and said he hoped that another one of his friends would have a birthday so he could go to their party too.

After the party, K was so worn out that he curled up on the couch with his Little Dude and his blanket, while I relaxed with a cup of coffee and a book in a comfy chair and JW typed away on his laptop a few feet away. This is my dream weekend scenario, but usually if I ignore K for more than a minute or two, he starts pointedly asking, "Who will play with me? I need someone to play with me or I will be LONELY."

Today I also organized our three worst closets. And in preparation for the housewarming party, JW assembled the futon that we inherited from his grandmother, and attached the giant mirror to the dresser, and raked the yard, and checked various other house tasks off the list. And I learned a kickass cream cheese frosting recipe (using whipped cream instead of butter! Genius!). And one of our party guests told me about a paint-matching iPhone app, so we'll be able to touch up the holes that the electricians left without repainting the whole wall. All in all, a very productive weekend even with all the parties.

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We sold our house today!

Our real estate saga is over! Mortgage #1 is paid off. Home equity loan is paid off. Mortgage #2 is refinanced. House #2 is bought. House #1 is SOLD! Leaving us with just ONE mortgage, which isn't that much more than our old mortgage, and ONE house, which god willing, we will live in until our little legs can no longer carry us up and down the stairs.

We deposited a large check today. Our financial cushion is back! No more panic when the car breaks down. No need to feel guilty about the maternity clothes I bought over the weekend at a real store instead of from some Craigslist person with three cats. No more constant refrain of, "Let's talk about that after we sell the house."

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. All the real estate and financial transactions are done. Election day is over. We can just think about normal things and go about our normal lives for the next few months, until the baby arrives and our world is rocked again.

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Halloween weekend

We're all still a little sick. K is mostly fine but still coughing a bit. I'm the worst -- I can't sing K's bedtime song without several coughing fits. JW is hoarse and tired because he's still in full-on election mode and has been working day and night, calling and organizing people to get out the vote. Voting day is tomorrow and then I get my husband back. Hopefully I get to keep my governor too.

On Halloween, K didn't nap, refused to wear his lion costume (his second, after he refused to go anywhere near the skunk costume JW picked up), and insisted on putting on his duck costume without the duck head. He threw a tantrum when I said he had to go to the potty before trick or treating. He wouldn't pose for pictures and at the first few houses he wouldn't say a word, just sullenly grabbed the candy. (I forced him to mumble a "thank you" before I'd let him move on to the next house.) By the end he was having fun, though, and was being more polite too. Partly because I let him eat some candy on the way.

Our other Halloween activity was clearing out, and cleaning up, the old house.  JW's parents came to help out. Grandma played with K, Grandpa and JW did the heavy lifting, and I swept and scrubbed. I say this often, but I am so grateful that we still have parents who are so giving and so willing and able to run over here and take care of us when we need it. I know that in the not-too-distant future it may be the other way around.

In theory, by the end of this week, our house should be sold. We signed the deed today and appointed our attorney to do the closing without us. Our attorney, like everyone else who has had to deal with the buyers, complained about how difficult they were and how he should have charged us more. We still talk to our old neighbors, so I'm hoping the buyers are just horrible in the context of a financial transaction and will be good neighbors once they move in. We have celebratory weekend plans involving a fancy dinner and hotel in Manhattan. Fingers crossed that there will actually be something to celebrate.

K the reluctant duck:

And K rocking out (the lamp is his pretend microphone):

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