Two moments of suck

Brought to you by biglaw + major IT problems.

1. During an otherwise delightful weekend at the lake, I spent every spare moment cramming in work. Before everyone woke up, after everyone went to bed, and any interstitial moment when the kids were occupied or napping. Saturday it worked out okay. Sunday around 5:30 p.m., after having had zero opportunities to accomplish anything since the kids woke up that morning, I handed them off to JW and tried to log in to work. But remote access wasn't working, as it hadn't been all day. So I gave up, put on my bathing suit, and headed down to go swimming and relax for the first time all weekend. As soon as I got down there, K got so excited that he started running around, and of course he fell on the rocks, got a gash on his knee, and screamed bloody murder for the next ten minutes. By the time he was all cleaned up and calmed down, lake time was over and I never made it in.

2. Also due to the lack of remote access all day, after we pulled into our driveway at 11:30 p.m. and I put the kids to bed and unpacked a little, I got back in the car and headed to work. The highway shut down before my exit and I had to detour through the city, getting stuck at traffic lights, behind cabs, and at one point behind a car double parked in the exact middle of the street. So not only was I driving to work after midnight on a Sunday (technically Monday), I was STUCK IN TRAFFIC.

OK, going home now.

Why am I doing this again?

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Costa Rica

It was a glorious week. Even the two solid days of travel felt relaxing, with no kids to wrangle.

Monday: Airport. Got through security with NO YELLING. Sat there and drank an entire cup of coffee with NO INTERRUPTIONS. Ahhh. Eventually arrived in Costa Rica and took a 4-hour car ride to the Arenal volcano area. Ate dinner at the hotel and collapsed.

Tuesday: Hiked to the volcano, spotting some cool plants and birds along the way. Climbed up rocks. And the whole time, NO WHINING. In the afternoon, we did the most vacation-like thing I have ever done in my life: lounged for hours in volcano-heated hot springs, tropical drinks in hand, watching monkeys play in the surrounding palm trees while butterflies flitted by. In the evening, we did more lounging by the hot spring back at the hotel, looking up at the stars and holding hands.

Wednesday: Half-day of travel by van, boat, and another van. Spent the afternoon exploring grounds of hotel and surrounding town. At night, we went on a guided hike with flashlights. JW spotted a kinkajou. The one other English-speaking couple turned out to be sort of a younger version of us. We had dinner with them after the hike.

Thursday: Selvatura. First, the zipline canopy tour: I was scared at the beginning, but it turned out to be fun. Next, hummingbird garden. There were so many and they were so fast that it sounded like buzzsaws when they whipped past your ear.  Then my favorite part, the hanging bridges that literally suspend you in the middle of the rainforest. Nothing to hear but the rustling of leaves and the sound of water trickling down the forest floor. Finally, the butterfly garden (with a bonus trip to the insect museum, I guess the guide liked us). On the way back to the hotel, we bought our anniversary art at the Monteverde Art House. (Each year, instead of buying each other anniversary presents, we buy a piece of art together.)  After recuperating and failing to Skype with the kids, we met up with our new friends at happy hour and then went out to a local restaurant.

Friday: Back in the car, back on a plane, back on another plane, and eventually stumbled home at 1 a.m. Back to reality.


It was the first real break I've had since maternity leave. I've been happy at work for the last few months and have been turning down all sorts of recruiting calls. I'm not sure what it says that each time I get a substantial break, I come back thinking that this is craziness and I need to get a 9-5 job. I guess the solution is to... never take a break from working, so my lack of perspective continues undisturbed?

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Next week

Next week, no one will hand me a snotty tissue.

Next week, no one will order me to do anything "ASAP."

Because next week, we will be on our tenth anniversary vacation to Costa Rica! (Thanks for the suggestion, anonymous commenter.) Our actual tenth anniversary is in a month, but we moved up the trip because my sister-in-law inconveniently scheduled her due date two days before OUR special day. Can you believe her nerve?

I feel a little guilty for going on vacation by ourselves when I feel like I haven't had enough time with the kids lately, but mostly excited.

Now I just need everyone to STOP GIVING ME MORE WORK TO DO for the rest of the day.

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MILP Roundup #260

The Weekly Mothers In the Legal Profession Roundup is hosted on a rotating basis at the Butterflyfish, PT Law Mom, Attorney at Large, Attorney Work Product, Today Advocating Tomorrow, Reluctant Grownup, and Magic Cookie blogs.

I'm going to be honest here. It's July, everybody is busy having summer fun, work is slow, and let's face it, most of us are not pouring our creative energies into blogging. So to make this roundup more interesting, I have turned it into a little story featuring our favorite bloggers (who posted this week).

 "Where's LL? I was hoping she'd bring her beer punch!" said CM. But LL, normally the life of the party, had won the lottery a few days before and was off on her dream family vacation.

The other MILPs were busy setting up for the party. Butterflyfish didn't mind being enlisted to help cook, as long as she didn't have to use the hot stove. "I've been home all week with three kids and no air conditioning!" she exclaimed. "I'm looking forward to cooler weather."  "I'm not," sighed CP. "Cooler weather means I'll be back at work after my maternity leave." "I'm excited about returning to work," said Izzie, "if I can just find the right position. Meanwhile, I'm enjoying being home with my new baby." "You know," said Frenchie, "for a while I had no desire for a new baby, but all this talk of newborns is starting to make me feel like I might be ready again soon." "I never wanted kids," reflected Alice. "I love my son, but I still understand why people don't want kids at all." Attorney at Large grunted in reply, her nose stuck in the latest Dylan Schaffer novel. Kate remained silent and looked glum, only half-paying attention to the conversation as she thought about a sentencing she had attended earlier that day.

Just then there was a commotion from the living room. "No... pee... on... rug!" laughed Baz, running pantsless through the house while Dinei followed in hot pursuit. Meanwhile, Suzie was sick in the corner. "Don't get any of that on my new outfit!" warned Proto Attorney. CM was so distracted that she left the appetizers on the counter and ran the microwave empty. The ensuing explosion melted the frosting off the cake and left a mess on the floor. "What are we going to do now?" wailed CM.

PT-LawMom ran to the window. "What's that? It looks like... a boat!" RG had sailed to the rescue, with not only her kids and her bar study materials in tow, but also... a new cake!

They all gathered around the table. "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday You Will Have a Bright Future... happy birthday to you!"

And they all lived MILPily every after.

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What we've been up to: Lake edition

Friday night: Arrive around 10:30 p.m. at the in-laws' house. X toddles around for a little while, then goes to bed under protest. K snuggles with Grandma, eyes drooping, for as long as he can possibly remain conscious. I stay up until 1:30 to do some work, greeting my brother and sister-in-law who arrive toting my sleeping niece around 1 a.m.

Saturday: Parade day! We all drive into town for the annual July 4th festivities, a.k.a. the Doin's. The older kids go on rides while X naps in the stroller. We gather on the side of Main Street for the parade, in which antique cars, fire trucks, and floats drive by and the passengers throw candy to the kids. K and his cousin fill their bags with candy while I chase X around and feed him pieces of my gyro. After a stop to meet up with friends, we head over to Great-Grandma's house, now on the market, where we pick out some dishes and things to take home with us. (What I really want is the piano, but I think it will be prohibitively expensive to transport.) Back home, X and my niece nap while K and I hang out by the lake, and then relatives join us for dinner. JW's aunt asks if I'm pregnant and I tell her no, I just need to work on my abs. She looks suitably embarrassed and says it was because she noticed I was drinking water at cocktail hour. After everyone leaves, we have a fire outside and make s'mores. The kids stay up very, very late and go to bed smelling smoky.

Sunday: Hang around the house day. The kids went swimming in the lake, but I missed it -- I was catching up on work and by the time I put it away, they were back in. X and I had fun playing outside and swinging on the porch swing. X found a spider web in the corner of the deck and tried to get all the bugs out and eat them. (When X sees a bug, he immediately gets his pincer grip ready and tries to pick it up.) He also got away from me during a diaper change, ran over to the railing that overlooks the first floor, and peed through the slats. Luckily no one was underneath to get rained on. K had an attitude all day, which I blame on his late bedtime the night before. We had major drama over a ham sandwich at lunch, and when it was time to go he and my niece ran down to the lake when no one was paying attention. When I gave him a talking-to he just smiled, which drove me nuts. My niece, on the other hand, sold him out and said it was his idea: "I guess it wasn't a good idea to play Adventure Kids." The kids also spent a chunk of the day putting all the stuffed animals in Pig Jail (the bottom of the bunk bed), and K drew some awesome pictures of robots.

And now we're back home to our hot, messy house, with lunches to pack and laundry to do. Back to reality. Going up to the lake always feels like a mini-vacation even though it's just for the weekend.

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What we've been up to

Because this blog is not only my virtual baby book, it's also the only record I keep of our lives at all other than the kids' immunization records.

Last weekend: New York (downstate). My niece's 4th birthday party on Saturday in the city at the Y where she goes to preschool, my sister-in-law's pre-baby blessing ceremony on Sunday at my parent's house, and a visit to Nonna in the Bronx. She had been hospitalized for heart palpitations on Friday, but was discharged on Saturday and seemed perfectly fine on Sunday. As usual, she stuffed K with Italian bread and cookies and sneaked more into our bag. Also as usual, my mom made about eighty gallons of fruit salad and we had to eat it morning, noon, and night. We just finished up the last of the container we brought home, which I blended up with rum and coconut sorbet to disguise the week-old fermented taste. We probably have some extra souvenir fruit salad in some crevice of the car that we failed to scrape out after both kids threw up right before we arrived at Nonna's house.

4th of July: Met up with friends and toured the tall ships in Boston Harbor. Before and after, we explored my office at K's request. Got home around 3 p.m. and all collapsed for the rest of the day.

5th of July: Daycare is closed for no good reason. I took the boys to get haircuts in the morning. X's first real haircut did not go well, but he bounces back quickly and he looks SO much better now. I gave him the worst haircut about two months ago, short and choppy, and it had grown out to be uneven and shaggy and curly at the bottom. When K saw the haircut place, he started crying and refused to come in. Finally I had to use my mom voice. While we were waiting, I told him that if he didn't cry at all, I would buy him a toy, any one he wanted, from the wall full of overpriced plastic crap that he begs for whenever we go there. I didn't think he could really do it, because K has never in his life had a haircut, even at home, that did not involve wailing and snot dripping into his mouth. So I reminded him that he ONLY got the toy if he did not cry a single tear, and if he did cry, he could try again next time. And you know what? He did it!!! I was amazed. He picked out an Army tank and asked who he could attack. Behold the power of bribes! After haircuts and pizza, I dropped them off at JW's office, switched cars (forgetting my files in the process) and made it to work just in time for my first of three conference calls this afternoon. (JW, if you are reading this, you didn't tell me the Volvo has no gas and if I run out on my way home at 1 a.m. I am blaming you. By the way, I am probably coming home at 1 a.m.) K was excited to visit both of our offices within two days.

This weekend: New York (upstate). Headed up to the in-laws' house, and my brother and his family will stop by on their way to a conference upstate. JW's grandmother went to live in a very nice assisted living facility and we are supposed to go pick out what we want from her house before they sell it.

Miscellaneous: I ran the microwave with nothing in it for about twenty seconds, after getting about three hours of sleep and blearily trying to make K's morning bottle. In case you ever wondered what would happen if you didn't heed the warnings about not running it empty, it made a loud buzzing noise and I smelled something scorched. The noise and the smell happened again a little later when we heated something up that night. The next morning, the metal panel on the side of the microwave actually CAUGHT FIRE. And apparently you can't just replace that little panel, at least we can't at home. So it turns out to be an expensive mistake.

Also, K's current obsessions: Wild Kratts (PBS show about the Kratt brothers, who learn about/turn into wildlife) and Calvin and Hobbes, which he discovered at my parents' house last weekend.

 

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An open letter to my clients

Dear clients,

Contrary to what you believe, I don't have a drawer full of forms for every possible scenario that I can pull out and email you at a moment's notice.

I need to know what you are trying to do. Then I need to think about how to accomplish that. This takes time and effort on my part. I'm not just typing your name into the blanks. When you do a one-off business deal, I am preparing a one-off agreement for you. I wish I had that magic filing cabinet with just the right form for you. It would save me a lot of effort. (But I don't want everyone at my firm to have it, because then I'd be out of a job.)

But thank you for asking me to take care of it, instead of just writing some crap yourself, signing it, and showing it to me two months later when you haven't gotten paid.

Love,
CM

P.S. - Also? When you tell me how awesome I am for sending your completed contract in the middle of the night, I don't appreciate it. I am sending it in the middle of the night because I kept getting interrupted during the day and couldn't start concentrating on your work until 7 p.m. I would much prefer to be asleep right now, after spending the evening with my family. Please don't compliment me for missing out on that. And why are you still awake? Go to bed. You have a big day tomorrow.

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