MILP Roundup #266

The Weekly Mothers In the Legal Profession Roundup is hosted on a rotating basis at the Butterflyfish, PT Law Mom, Attorney at Large, Attorney Work Product, Today Advocating Tomorrow, Reluctant Grownup, and Magic Cookie blogs.

The MILP Rounduppers have had a hectic summer, so you get a bonus week in this roundup: what all the MILPs have been up to between August 13th and August 26th.

Alice in Wonderland is pregnant with boy #2! (While working a grueling schedule. SO much harder during pregnancy.)

The Attorney at Large confesses to a  fashion sin and disses engineers (as clients).

You Will Have a Bright Future's due date came and went with no action in her pants. (The latter post is actually about how a change in immigration law kept her busy at work, and the pants-action was just a passing joke.)

Butterflyfish (a.k.a. Cheryl) didn't get the job, and wrote letters to Bullshark.

CP ponders her past ambitions and her life expectancy.

Magic Cookie thinks stuff is good and gets a kindergarten raise.

Dinei has a bad day and gets one hour of respite.

Work heats up for Frenchie and life heats up for Juliet Cap.

Grace is trying to take care of herself while dealing with post-surgery sleeplessness.

Izzie is working part time, but is getting frustrated by her job search (while being happily distracted by her baby girl).
 
Kate is in her new home after a long trip.

LC gives fashion advice and is glad she made her family execute powers of attorney.

LEO had a reviving anniversary trip.

Lag Liv took a family vacation and made a big decision about switching schools for her kids.

PT-LawMom is mourning the loss of a friend.

Suzie has (probably) retired.

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Possessions

I love this post by Miss Minimalist about "possessions as promises." She argues that when we buy new things, it's not the thing we really want -- it's the promise it holds, and the thing itself often doesn't deliver. This is such a great point. All those issues of Real Simple, telling you that you need a $90 Lucite inbox so that your papers can be organized... the must-have item of the day at Corporette, holding the promise of a stylish and professional look... that new exercise equipment that is just the thing you need to get more fit. And those things end up shoved in a closet while your papers spill on the floor and you eat a brownie. And by "you" I mean me.

Everyone always talks about how stuff doesn't make you happy, experiences do. But I don't think that's really true. I have plenty of stuff that makes me happy, and not just practical things (e.g., I'm happy to have a fridge so my food doesn't spoil). My colorful living room rug makes me happy, even though I bought it at a time when I probably shouldn't have. The pens I use for work make me happy. I bought a box of the exact pens I like as a Christmas present for myself. My Prius makes me smile every time I stop at a red light and hear silence.

I think the key is that all of those were things I really wanted and thought about for a long time before buying them. (Yes, even the pens, because sometimes I have a hard time pulling the trigger for purchases.) The stuff that doesn't make me happy is generally stuff that I impulse buy, or especially that I see on the Internet and think I have to have, because it will make me more fit, or more stylish, or more organized, or a better mom. But it rarely does.

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Parenting, good and bad

I felt like a good mom today.

I've mentioned before that X has always had violent tendencies. And I'm a big proponent of showing kids what TO do, instead of just telling them not to do. So I've been training X. "No hitting," I say, making a hitting motion and shaking my head. "Be gentle," I tell him, lightly stroking his arm. "Gentle." 

After weeks and weeks of this, I think he gets it. He'll start to hit, then stop his arm in midair and pat me on the arm, saying, "Shub." Weeks ago at school, when all the kids were sitting around the breakfast table, I saw him casually grab the arm of the baby next to him and open wide like he was about to chomp down on a turkey leg. Today at dropoff, he turned to the little girl next to him, raised his hand... and gently stroked her hair, telling her, "Shub."

He's not much for talking, but his behavior is improving.

Meanwhile, I'm having two issues with the other one. Any experienced parents have advice here?

First, I'm concerned that he's not getting enough sleep (about 9 hours on a typical night, from about 9:30 p.m. to 6:30 a.m., no nap). It takes him a long time to settle down at night, and the moment I leave the room he's up reading a comic book. For the past few nights I've been staying in his room and making sure he's lying down with his eyes closed, but that doesn't seem like a good long-term solution. Part of the problem is that even if I get home relatively early (which for me is before 7), I have to eat dinner and then we spend some time together, so we don't start getting ready for bed until after 8. The lights are out by 8:45 and then he's asleep sometime between 9 and 10.  I guess one solution is for me to come home an hour earlier, but I already get to work late after dropoff... I would have to start working part-time.

Second, he's such a drama queen about getting hurt. Today I told him he needs to toughen up, which I've been finding myself saying a lot lately. His face fell and I realized that telling him that doesn't help and just makes him feel bad. At the same time, I would like to discourage all the whining about his various wounds, bumps, and bruises. (He tends to be overly sensitive about other things too... today he was moping around and when I asked what was wrong, he burst out with, "Camryn took my acorn away at naptime!")

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I love kindergarten!

I braced myself when I opened the credit card bill this month, since I knew it contained our vacation spending (not counting the big items like airfare and hotels, which we prepaid). I was pleasantly surprised to find the lowest number I've seen in the past year! Daycare, usually our biggest item, was cut in half. I called to confirm and yep, it's not a mistake -- they applied K's last-month deposit (which I had forgotten about) for August. Our daycare costs won't always be quite this low -- we'll be paying a little more for X without the sibling discount, and K's extended day program is about $350 a month -- but we are still getting a sizable raise, a month earlier than I had expected! Hooray for public school! And when X is three, we may be able to lottery into the preschool program at K's school, which is nearly half the price of private daycare. All of which means that the US Department of Education will be getting a big fat check from me within the next 6 months, and our gigantic mortgage for our 100-year old fixer-upper will be the only debt hanging over our heads.

Other goings-on in the past few days (pictures if I get time later):

Saturday: Nonna's 90th birthday party! A big family event, replete with a five-verse song recapping her life to the tune of "This Land is Your Land."

Sunday: Bronx Zoo with my niece. The kids LOVED it. They had a "Lego Safari" exhibit with life-size Lego wild animals coming out of the woods, and a little station where you could build your own Lego animals. The next day I heard K explaining that if you did a really good job building your Lego animal, they would put it in the woods.

Monday and Tuesday: Up at the lake with some relatives we rarely see: JW's sister and her family, and his uncle from New Zealand, PLUS 90-year old Nonna, who hardly ever leaves her house! Meanwhile, in the big city: my new nephew was born!! Nine days early, to my poor sister-in-law, who we dragged all around the zoo the day before in 90-degree weather.

Today: K said, "Mommy, can I tell you something? This is true. I mean it, this is true. It's really true. I won the lottery."
"You won the lottery?"
"Yes. I won four dollars."
"From Uncle Andy's ticket that he let you scratch?"
"Yes."
"I think that's his four dollars."
"Can I have it?"
"Okay. We can start a savings account for you."
I decided that rather than an actual bank account, I would hold on to his account. I made him an account statement that had four dollar signs on it and taped it on his wall. He started plotting all the things he would do with his money, and I asked how he planned to get more.
"I'll win the lottery again."
I suggested working for his money instead.
After that, he kept telling everyone we ran into that he had some money. If he stays interested, maybe I'll think about giving him extra chores for money.

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Conversations I had yesterday

Me: Go to the potty.
K (who usually responds, "You ALWAYS tell me to go the potty"): Every poffy nompetty.
Me: Every poffy nompetty??
K: HAHAHA! I confused you! I LOVE confusing you!

*  *  *

On the grocery checkout line, facing a baby sitting in a shopping cart.
Me (to the baby): Hi!
Mom: He's not as old as he looks.
Me: Peekaboo!
Mom: He's just big for his age! He's only 11 months old!
Me: You're eleven months old? You're going to have a birthday soon!
Mom: I don't want people to think he's dumb.

(I ask you, what could a baby possibly do that would make you think, "Now that is a dumb baby.")

* * *

K's mouth fell open when I walked in the door with my new pixie cut.
Me: What do you think?
K: I... a little don't like it.
Me: Do you think I look like a boy?
K (scowling): You don't look like a boy. You look like a woman.
Me: I am a woman.
K: No, you're a mom.

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