And the summer ends

I've had about a dozen blog posts in my head over the last week and a half, but none of them made it through my fingers. So, highlights:

- Today is my last day with X! He starts daycare TOMORROW. I return to work next week. Feeling sad about this, but it had to happen some time.

- X has learned to turn over both ways, and can sit up unassisted for up to a few minutes.

- X is sick for the first time ever. It's just a little cold, but the congestion is bothering him.

- I've been sleep training him, and have been making progress. The key seems to be giving him a big dream feed around 10 or 11 p.m. He's slept through until 6 a.m. a few times!

- K is moving into the pre-K class at school, WITHOUT his two best friends. He loves his teacher and is a little upset about moving. He'll also start soccer in the fall, with one of the two missing friends.

- We bought a new (to us) car! A Volvo wagon. We're donating our ancient Nissan Maxima.

- Last week was our ninth anniversary. Our weekend getaway to Cape Cod didn't happen, thanks to Hurricane Irene. ("Mommy, we didn't have a hurricane. It was a tropical storm." Got it, K.) But we did have a lunch out with X on our actual anniversary, and a date night the next day involving live music and beer.

- Assorted stories:
1. When deciding what to put in K's teacher's thank-you package, I suggested a bottle of wine. K chuckled and said, "I don't think she'll be wanting that."
2. K closed the closet door on his finger. I asked what he was looking for in the closet and he sobbed, "I wanted to look in the mirror to see if I was handsome."
3. I attended the Harvard Mediation Program's annual potluck, where I had a long conversation with an older attorney who declared biglaw inhumane. As I left, I said, "Nice talking to you," and he replied, "Get out as soon as you can!"

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The sumo wrestler

JW's mom has a wallet with four spaces for pictures, just enough for her four grandkids. For a long time there were four pictures of K in there, until the other three arrived in the space of 13 months. When she shows off the pictures, she points to each child in turn and says, "My grandchildren: the Sumo Wrestler, the Brainiac, the Tornado, and Miss Priss."

The Brainiac is K, despite his assertion this morning that "when you recycle boxes, they get crushed up, and then they go to Santa, and Santa gives them to the elves, and the elves make stuff out of them." (Like what? "Like milk bottles and milk pumps." So my instrument of torture comes from Santa and cardboard boxes.)

The Sumo Wrestler is X. X is only in the 35th percentile for height and weight (although considering he hasn't pooped in six days, his weight percentile has probably increased) but his chunky thighs are something to behold. We had to stop using the Bumbo seat because he would get stuck in it. I had to push his thighs down to fit into the little holes, and when I tried to pick him up the entire seat would come with him.

X seems so much bigger and more solid lately. I feel like one day I'll turn around and he'll be a little boy.

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Friday cuteness

First time eating solids

Visit to the Bronx with cousin M 

In the Exersaucer while Mommy cooks

The best picture I will ever take of my boys. (Using my phone!)

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It is what it is

A neighbor told me she was about to have some time off because her work contract was up. She asked when I was going back to work. When she saw my face, she immediately said, "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you think about it!" "Three more weeks," I replied. "I guess it couldn't last forever. I can't complain about a six-month leave, right?" She shrugged. "Work... it is what it is."

As meaningless as that phrase usually is, somehow it made me feel better. It is what it is. We need the paycheck. It's good for me to build up my skills. The baby will be fine. I won't get to see my kids as much. I'll be stuck in an office all day. Work is something that grown-ups do.

I confessed to my mother that I was dreading going back. She said, "You can't stay at home all day. You don't learn anything. You don't do anything. You don't get out into the world. You just cook and clean and run after your kids." I countered that you can have a full life if you're a stay-at-home mom -- you can volunteer, you can get involved in your community. She replied that if you don't work, you're limited to doing the types of things that don't require specialized knowledge or skills. Things that anyone can do if they put in the time and energy. And it's not everyone who's willing to put in the time or energy, so I wouldn't discount those activities, but she's right. The volunteer activities that I've filled my time with this summer -- joining the board of a local foundation, mentoring student entrepreneurs -- are activities that I can do because of my legal skills and experience. And that's sort of how I'm looking at my work right now. As I learn more and get more experience, I'm becoming more valuable as a resource to others. I'm training myself for the future. I love advising people and being involved in my community, but no one wants your advice if you don't know anything special. When I imagine myself twenty years from now, I want to be an expert on something and to be able to contribute that expertise in some useful way. As cute as the baby is and as much as I love spending time with my kids, that alone won't get me there.

People always say how on your deathbed, you won't wish you did more work, you'll wish you spent more time with your family. But does that really mean that your non-family accomplishments ultimately have no value? Don't tell me if you were a Supreme Court justice but you never had kids, you're going to look back with regret. Or if you devoted lots of time when your kids were young to charity work, even if it often took you away from home. Or if you created a successful business with happy employees. Or if you invented something really useful. Obviously, the people you love have to be a key priority in your life. But I don't believe that in the end, nothing else matters. If everybody just tended to their own families, where would we be?

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Challenges of the week

1. Exercising every day. I'm not demanding too much of myself here -- twenty minutes or more, just to get back into the habit.

2. Learning how to play "The Entertainer" on the keyboard. I've been at it for days and I still suck. X doesn't seem to mind.

3. Eliminating X's 3 a.m. feeding. This is the big one.

For a long time X didn't have very consistent sleep patterns -- he'd wake up once, twice, or three times, and not always at the same times. It seemed like he was moving toward waking up once a night, around 3 a.m. But for the past couple of weeks, it's been 11 and 3 every night, meaning he's feeding every four hours around the clock. I know he's big enough now that he should be able to miss a feeding with no problem, so my goal is to give him a dream feed and not feed him again until the next morning.

The first two nights I managed to delay him for an hour or so, but ended up feeding him. The first night I unlatched him the second he stopped actively eating, and the second night I only nursed him from one side and then put him back to bed. Last night I was in his room from 3:30 until 6, but when the sun came up I declared victory. He went from 11 to 7:15 without eating! And unlike the first two nights, I didn't have to take him out of the crib to soothe him (which is counterproductive because then his face is right next to the food source), even though I lost track of the number of times I gave him his pacifier, swaddled him back up, and patted and shushed him back to sleep.

I'm hoping he'll catch on and stop waking up for that feeding. Meanwhile, I'm probably in for a few more sleepless nights.

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A partial list of places I have nursed X

A bowling alley

Ikea

The Museum of Fine Arts

Langdell Library at Harvard Law School, 4th floor reading room

The library

In the car
McDonald's at a highway rest stop

The steps leading to our garage

Restaurants

Various parks and outdoor festivals

On a bench in the bus station

The most rarefied place, I'd say, was Langdell. The reading room is one of my favorite places in the world and you need a Harvard ID to get in, so neither JW nor K has been there with me before (except K in utero). I wheedled my way up there on a hot day when I was hoping to work on an article during X's nap. Of course, he woke up five minutes later. He was calm, but the library was so quiet that his goos echoed around the room. After feeding him, I walked him around the Caspersen Room, which houses a rotating display of legal exhibits. He was very impressed by Roscoe Pound's desk.

The worst place was easily the bus tunnel. Flying solo, I took both kids on a spur-of-the-moment trip to Boston. That was a little too ambitious. This nursing adventure ended up with me pulling X off, grabbing the stroller and K's hand, and running for the bus.

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Five months (for real)

Dear X,

At five months, you are my calm and mellow baby. You gurgle and goo and look around with interest, but we rarely hear you cry unless you need something. You love bright colors and are happy in an art gallery or flower shop. You are solid on your feet and can sit upright for a few minutes at a time if you're propped up, but you seem to have no interest in turning or rolling. When you're on your back, you just lie there unless something catches your eye, and when you're on your stomach you lick the floor and cry. You like meeting people and dole out one big smile per new person, but when your brother is around you laugh and laugh. I can make you laugh, but it requires a lot more effort and the only foolproof way is to kiss you from your toes all the way up to your head.

You started solid foods this week, and you took to them right away. By the second day, you were already finishing up your oatmeal and wolfing down an entire jar of sweet potatoes. (That's right, I said jar. I tried the homemade baby food thing last time and I'm not going back.) I'm trying to break you of your habit of sticking your fingers in your mouth and then into your eye while eating. (Why into your eye? You never do that when you're not eating.)

People keep asking who in the family you resemble, and whether your personality is like your big brother's. You know, when I see you I don't see anyone else. And none of what I wrote above describes K as a baby. You are definitely your own little person and we look forward to getting to know you better.

Lots of love,
Mommy

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