It is what it is

A neighbor told me she was about to have some time off because her work contract was up. She asked when I was going back to work. When she saw my face, she immediately said, "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you think about it!" "Three more weeks," I replied. "I guess it couldn't last forever. I can't complain about a six-month leave, right?" She shrugged. "Work... it is what it is."

As meaningless as that phrase usually is, somehow it made me feel better. It is what it is. We need the paycheck. It's good for me to build up my skills. The baby will be fine. I won't get to see my kids as much. I'll be stuck in an office all day. Work is something that grown-ups do.

I confessed to my mother that I was dreading going back. She said, "You can't stay at home all day. You don't learn anything. You don't do anything. You don't get out into the world. You just cook and clean and run after your kids." I countered that you can have a full life if you're a stay-at-home mom -- you can volunteer, you can get involved in your community. She replied that if you don't work, you're limited to doing the types of things that don't require specialized knowledge or skills. Things that anyone can do if they put in the time and energy. And it's not everyone who's willing to put in the time or energy, so I wouldn't discount those activities, but she's right. The volunteer activities that I've filled my time with this summer -- joining the board of a local foundation, mentoring student entrepreneurs -- are activities that I can do because of my legal skills and experience. And that's sort of how I'm looking at my work right now. As I learn more and get more experience, I'm becoming more valuable as a resource to others. I'm training myself for the future. I love advising people and being involved in my community, but no one wants your advice if you don't know anything special. When I imagine myself twenty years from now, I want to be an expert on something and to be able to contribute that expertise in some useful way. As cute as the baby is and as much as I love spending time with my kids, that alone won't get me there.

People always say how on your deathbed, you won't wish you did more work, you'll wish you spent more time with your family. But does that really mean that your non-family accomplishments ultimately have no value? Don't tell me if you were a Supreme Court justice but you never had kids, you're going to look back with regret. Or if you devoted lots of time when your kids were young to charity work, even if it often took you away from home. Or if you created a successful business with happy employees. Or if you invented something really useful. Obviously, the people you love have to be a key priority in your life. But I don't believe that in the end, nothing else matters. If everybody just tended to their own families, where would we be?