Family vacation

Day 0 (at home): X walks halfway across the room. His previous record was eight steps.

Day 1: Cab ride, plane ride, shuttle ride, rental car ride. We all survive and eight hours later we arrive in Florida. K has nightmares ("Number one. A monster eating me. Number two. Me dying. Number three. A frog jumping at my head.") and wakes up about twelve times between 10 p.m. and 3 a.m.

Day 2: Lounge around the house, go shopping for kid supplies. K adopts the lanai as his "office." My first experience with aqua aerobics, twenty retired ladies and me. K plays Angry Birds all day on my mom's iPad and announces that she told him we could go to Disney World tomorrow. Okay then. In the evening we watch the sunset from the fishing pier and K is fascinated when someone catches a fish.

Day 3: Long ride to Disney World. We leave X at home with my parents. K cries on about half the rides (I'm talking Winnie the Pooh, not Space Mountain). Why does EVERY Disney ride have to have some scary component? Even the innocuous-seeming Jungle Cruise features shrunken skulls.

Disney story #1: When we arrive, JW and I keep pointing. "Look, K, it's Cinderella's castle! Look at that giant spaceship! Look, there's the motorway with real cars that you can drive!" K replies, "Uh huh." Finally, his eyes light up, he grabs my arm and says, "Mommy! Look!" It's a kid wearing an Angry Birds T-shirt.

Disney story #2: We're going to get a hot dog on the way out, when we pass a show going on in front of the castle. Dancing, singing about how dreams come true, finally something K can relax and enjoy, until what the hell, the evil witch comes out, accompanied by loud explosions and fire, and screeches, "I will make NIGHTMARES COME TRUE!" "Nightmares come true???!!!" screams K, so loudly that everyone around us turns around and starts laughing. Mickey comes out and says, "Help me, friends! Say it with me: Dreams come true!" "DREAMS COME TRUE! DREAMS COME TRUE!" shrieks K frantically. He doesn't stop sobbing for at least half an hour.

Disney story #3: At the end of the day: "K, did you have a good time?" "...Yeah." "Should we come back again one day?" "NO."

Day 4: My niece and in-laws arrive. The neighbors come over for dinner. More aqua aerobics. X has fun kicking his feet in the pool.

Day 5: Beach day! K is reluctant to get in the water, but once he does he dances around and laughs like crazy and wants to be in the ocean up to his neck. I also attend a yoga class taught by my mom. She's pretty good! At night we meet up with my brother and sister-in-law and we have a six-course dinner at a darkened restaurant, after which we critique the abundance of vinegary sauces and acknowledge that we are city snobs.

Day 6: Beach day #2, but this time we end up driving forever and not being able to stay long because we have a playdate/"Princess and the Frog" movie night with the little girl next door. The neighbors go all out with little bags of popcorn and boxes of candy. K flees as soon as they put on the movie. At home, X toddles around the entire house.

Day 7: Date day! JW and I eat our weight in raw onions at Mr. Souvlaki and then go see "Hunger Games," which is AWESOME. When we return, the kids proudly show us that they have drawn Angry Birds and pigs all over the concrete floor of the lanai with crayons.

Day 8: Up at 4:30 a.m., car, shuttle, plane, taxi, back home. Immediately back to fixing meals, laundry, and real life. It was fun while it lasted.