Work-life balance #4: No more second-guessing

Yesterday three different partners told me (when assigning me work or checking in on an assignment) that they don't want me to get overloaded or feel overwhelmed, and they "know I'm busy" so they are asking before they give me work. One even said that if I feel overwhelmed, I should feel free to be honest and say no to additional work.

Which brought me back to yesterday's "maybe it's just me" post. And made me wonder if they had been reading this. More likely (I hope), their concern is related to the recent rash of female associate departures.

I believe these partners are sincere. I believe the firm WANTS to be nice and to be family-friendly and to retain women. But I also have a billable requirement to meet and I can't meet it if I turn down work because I feel overwhelmed. And even if I have all the time in the world and take on a new assignment, that assignment might blow up and consume my life. It's not really about not wanting to take on more work. It's the nature of deal-driven corporate work. I could reduce my total hours but there is no getting around the periods of late nights and craziness. If my kids were older, I think I could handle that. Right now, I don't think I can.

It messes with my head when the firm is all, "We're family friendly, we care about you, and also, we need you to do this ASAP." As many of you have noted, I'm always second-guessing myself about this because I think that if this is what I want, and the firm supports it, I can make it work... I just haven't figured out yet exactly how. During a deal, I think, "I can't do this, I'm exhausted, I want to see my family," and then when it's over, "This is manageable, I just have to ride out the bad times to get to the more stable periods in between." But as I get more senior, I'm on more and bigger deals, and there are fewer stable in-between times to hang on to.

Reading all of your comments has been immensely helpful. I feel like I live in this bubble where all of this seems normal, and once in a while I get a peek outside but then I'm sucked back in again. When I hear all of you saying that it's NOT just me, and that you've had similar experiences, it makes me feel a lot more sane about all these issues.

To be continued.