Lies My Parents Told Me

So E. McPan mentioned in the comments that her parents told her they bought her at K-Mart.

My parents -- actually, it's all my mother, she's the inventive one in the family -- have told me many questionable facts over the years. The two that stick in my head are:

1. If you eat ants, you'll learn how to swim.
2. Eating off the floor is healthy, because dirt has Vitamin B12.

(The thing with my mother is that I can never tell if she believes it.)

JW can't think of any, which may explain why he's so well-adjusted.

What lies did your parents tell you?