Ambition

Over lunch one day, talk turned to the associates who were laid off last year and what they were doing now. A few are working for smaller firms. One or two have left the profession. Several are working for the government, legal services, or nonprofits. The most common gossip about that last group was, "So-and-so is working for Regulatory Agency... and she's HAPPY!" Everyone looked bitter at this. "And she's actually making a decent salary! Not biglaw money, but decent." Then everyone looked envious.

As soon as you're admitted to Harvard Law, they start hammering into you the message that you are going to Be Somebody. That you are an Important Person, and are going to run the world someday. On the first day of orientation, they say, "Look to your right. Look to your left." But they no longer follow up with "... Only one of you will still be here on graduation day." Instead, it's, "Remember these people. They will be senators, CEOs, federal judges."

I hated the prestige-whoring that goes on at Harvard, but that message couldn't help but sink in. Recently I was remembering why I went to law school. I just wanted a job that I liked, that I thought was interesting and worthwhile. I didn't necessarily want a career that consumed or defined me. It didn't even cross my mind that I could Be Somebody one day, until the Harvard indoctrination started.

Now I wonder. I think I explored my options in law school, but did I think too narrowly about a career? Did I factor in prestige and money more than I admitted to myself? When I think now about what I might do in the future, I feel like my universe of potential options has narrowed more than it should after only a year of practice.

I know my legal career is only beginning. I'm just less sure than I used to be about where I want it to go.