Quality time

After the debate over at Cee's about balancing our time between our kids and our careers, and her recent post about quality time, I thought about the time I spend with K during the week. We're together about 3-4 hours a day on a typical weekday. Which, honestly, isn't great. It's about half the time we used to spend together when I was in law school. He's at an age where he would prefer that I never leave his side, and nearly every day when I drop him off at daycare, the last thing I hear when I'm walking out the door is a piteous wail of "MOMMMMMMMMYYYYYY!" (As long as I'm being honest, the bigger fuss he makes, the happier I am to walk out that door to my nice peaceful office.)

I read about a family therapist who said that most of the problems she sees with toddlers are solved by the parents spending half an hour on the day playing on the floor with the kid. Just giving your full attention for that time is all they need, even if you feel like you have urgent things to do or the kid is annoying you. I tried to be conscious of that this morning. We always spend time talking, reading, and playing, but I thought about having that uninterrupted block. And I couldn't do it, not for a whole continuous half hour. I had milk to pour and dishes to wash and breakfast to get ready. I had to get dressed and get him dressed, and grab our bags and change his poopy diaper and change another poopy diaper, and wrestle him into his shoes and coat and into the car. If you add up the time we spent playing, it was more than half an hour, but not in a row.

The four hours I have with K are in the morning, when we're eating breakfast and brushing our teeth and getting dressed and going off to school, and in the evening, when we're eating dinner and taking a bath and doing our bedtime routine. Some days I can manage an entire half hour of pure playtime, but most days, preparation for the day or night interrupt.

The trouble with quality time, when you have a toddler on a typical mid-day nap schedule, is that there are really only two blocks during the day that aren't interrupted by daily routine. And they're right in the middle of business hours, around 9-11 in the morning and 3-5 in the afternoon. We've shifted our work hours around as much as we can to spend more time with K, but we don't have the flexibility to show up or leave in the middle of the day.

I never thought I'd say this, but I do feel guilty when I drop him at daycare and go off to work. It's not that I feel guilty about working. I like feeling like a productive member of society and being able to use my brain and help provide for my family. I just wish I could do my job and have one of those solid blocks of playtime with him each day. He doesn't seem attention-deprived or anything, but it would be nice for both of us.

At least there's the weekend. Every morning, K asks, "Is it the weekend?"

Update, after a 5-day vacation where we were together almost 24-7: I'm not going to feel guilty as long as I feel like we have enough time together,  because this vacation reminded me that the more time we spend together, the more he wants to be constantly physically attached to me.