Magic Cookie: Pitch Perfect

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Friday, 25 February 2011

One week of strep, brought to you by flex time

Posted on 04:50 by Unknown
TV didn't happen last night. Neither did waking up at 4 a.m. to tackle the work project that should have been done by yesterday. I worked past midnight, staggered up to bed, and was woken up at exactly 6:06 a.m. by K who announced he's feeling "better, but not all the way better." We proceeded to nap on the couch for the next twenty minutes while holding hands. Since he's still sick, I don't have to pack his bag or make lunch or get him dressed and out to school. And it's my turn to go to work today, which means in an hour or so, I'll be able to shower (!), get dressed, grab my stuff and walk out the door. Meanwhile, JW gets to sleep in for an extra hour. Easiest morning ever.

Looking back at our schedule over the past week, I realize that even though I feel exhausted, none of this would have been possible without both me and JW taking advantage of our jobs' flex time policies. I spent two entire days working from home. Both of those days, I arrived in the office at 5 p.m. (no one asked me to, but I was dealing with large volumes of documents that I couldn't deal with from home). Once I stayed all night, once I picked up some files and left an hour later. The night I spent at work was the only bedtime I've missed this week. I've taken two entire afternoons off for doctor's appointments. I've had my work number forwarded to my cell phone, enabling me to take a call from a client while K was napping in the car. I have worked at literally every hour of the day and night, but K has also been constantly attended to by either me or JW (even though, okay, he has logged quite a few video game hours this week). No one I worked with has seemed to notice or care that I'm not physically around half the time. I've actually been more responsive because I'm constantly checking in and trying to take care of things immediately so that work doesn't keep piling up.

I've told this story before, but I'll never forget it because it's so emblematic of stereotypical attitudes toward women in this business. A headhunter came to my law school 2L fall to talk about Boston firms. I raised my hand and said, "The firm I worked at last summer didn't care about face time. Most of the attorneys would leave at a reasonable hour and work more from home at night, and it was common for people to spend the day working from home. What other firms in the Boston area offer that kind of flexibility?" She said, "Oh, sweetie, don't think about part-time now. No matter where you go, you will have to work hard and establish yourself. After a few years, maybe you'll get married and think about having kids, and then you can work part-time." I was speechless. (Also, pregnant with K.) I did manage to follow up and say, "I wasn't asking about part-time. I was asking about what firms care less about face time and offer some flexibility in where and when you get your work done." She said that all firms would require me to put in lots of hours and I should be prepared to work hard. I should have written down the name of her company so that I would remember to hang up on them whenever they call. Clearly I picked the right place without her expert guidance.
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Posted in toddler k, work | No comments

Thursday, 24 February 2011

Sick kid update

Posted on 18:20 by Unknown
I laughed at Mama's comment that missing work while K was sick wouldn't be a problem if the baby would just come out already. But as it turns out, it's good that kid #2 is safe and insulated in his sac because K has strep and (new as of today) conjunctivitis. ("The two most contagious illnesses!" said the doctor cheerfully.) If you're keeping score at home, that's two cases of strep -- different strains, apparently -- in two months. The doctor said that if we pump him full of enough medicine, he should make it just under the wire to be non-contagious for his birthday party on Saturday. But if his eyes are still pink and gooey, I can't in good conscience let him be around other kids. Plan B is to call the other parents on Saturday and tell them they can still send their kid to the indoor playground on me, maybe even have a pizza or two delivered for them, but the party is off. I didn't take him to work today after all -- I let him sit on the couch all day and play Super Mario Bros. while I worked on my laptop, pausing occasionally to dole out snacks or take a Chutes and Ladders break. K was very patient with his distracted mommy, and enjoyed his Wii-filled day.

Distracted mommy stopped at work at the end of the day and brought home an armful of files, which I should be dealing with right now. It feels like so long since I had a minute to think about something besides work, K, and the huge weight I'm carrying, even though K has been sick for less than a week. It's amazing how quickly we lose perspective, and our sanity, when our schedule goes awry. Okay, I'll get back to my merger agreement and then I get to watch one TV show and go to bed. I'll wake up super early and try to get some work done. I have so much to catch up on, but I need sleep. I can tell I'm too sleep-deprived today because I keep bursting into tears at the slightest provocation. Work. Steal some leisure time. Sleep. More work. Figure out what to do with K tomorrow. Try to do some work. Make a plan for K's party. More work. Cake? Stuff goody bags. Then the weekend: hopefully have the party. Catch up on work. Pray for maternity leave.
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Posted in toddler k, work | No comments

Plea of a working mom

Posted on 02:48 by Unknown
Please, let him not be sick again today.

K has been sick with a fever and a mild cold since Monday. Tuesday I stayed home with him, and then when JW came back at 5, I went to the office and worked until 4 in the morning. Wednesday I got to go to work, but rushed home for K's bedtime and then logged back in from home at night. Today I woke up before 5 and started working, but K will be up soon. JW and I are both swamped at work and we have no one to call.

If he's still sick today, I'm packing up the potty, the Tylenol, a bunch of toy trucks, and my laptop with streaming Netflix and DVDs and having him sit in my office. I'll hand over my iPhone. I'll get him every color of Post-It flags and let him decorate my office.

But please, let him be healthy today so he can go to school.
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Tuesday, 22 February 2011

Way too much detail about my OB appointment

Posted on 18:32 by Unknown
Had my first weekly OB appointment today. I brought slightly sick K with me. I was worried when he seemed suddenly exhausted just before we left and dozed off in the car on the 10-minute ride over, but he did great -- he was polite to everyone, played with toys while the doctor examined me, and got a sticker at the end. The nurse thought it was very weird that he was going to be in the room during my pelvic exam and offered to play with him in the waiting room. I assured her he wouldn't even notice. He did ask why I had the paper robe covering me, but once I explained that the doctor was going to check on the baby, he turned his attention back to the toys. It helped that for once, there was no waiting and we were in and out in under an hour -- in fact, it would have been more like half an hour if K hadn't protested, "We didn't get to play!" and insisted on hanging out in the waiting room and reading books after my appointment. (Usually I have to wait at least half an hour, so I had told him we'd play and do puzzles in the waiting room.)

OB said I was one centimeter dilated and my cervix was starting to soften. She also said the baby was still high up and that given the baby's position and the fact that K had to be dragged out when I was two weeks overdue (because he wouldn't descend), I may end up being overdue again. She asked if I wanted to be induced if I went past my due date, but I told her I'd rather not risk it and would schedule a C section instead when it got closer to my due date.

So, it looks like I'm in for a few more weeks of this. I wasn't really surprised -- the baby's still moving around a lot, and I feel like he'll slow down when he's getting closer to coming out. JW was happy to hear that I'm not going into labor anytime soon because he's been worrying about having to handle K's birthday party by himself while I was in the hospital. I'm glad that K will have one last birthday all to himself. (He'll be four in a week!) We still have plenty to do around the house. As of right now, I'm okay with carrying around this tiny load and its enormous support system a little while longer.
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Sunday, 20 February 2011

Me at 37 weeks

Posted on 15:33 by Unknown
I am 59 inches tall and 44 inches around.

I have gained 42 pounds.

I normally don't do belly shots, but I wanted to show you why everyone is so alarmed when they see me that they feel compelled to comment.
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Friday, 18 February 2011

Full term

Posted on 19:36 by Unknown
The baby is officially full term as of today.

Yesterday I was in the office until nearly 2 a.m. I needed to stay late, but I actually could have left at a more reasonable hour, like 11 or 12. Instead I whipped myself into an organizing frenzy and cleared off my desk and sorted through all my files. I finished all the little nagging tasks that were sitting on my desk. I felt satisfied when I left that if necessary, I could walk away without too many loose ends dangling. The crib still has packaged-up sheets sitting on top of the bare mattress, the nursery is still curtainless, and our supply of newborn clothes is entirely inadequate, so I guess that was my version of nesting.

As every pregnant woman knows, if you're lucky enough to make it to the last few weeks, you get to a point where you are DONE being pregnant. My body weight has increased by nearly 40%, my feet and ankles are so swollen that not a single pair of my shoes fits anymore, and the skin on my belly feels like it will split open, but I haven't gotten to that "get this baby out" stage yet. I'm enjoying the last few weeks of our peaceful lives together before chaos hits.

P.S. - I just googled "swollen feet pregnancy" and now I am paranoid that I have preeclampsia. Nausea, check, excessive swelling that lasts for days, check. Anyway, doctor's appointment on Tuesday -- I'm probably fine, and if not then it's goodbye peace, hello OR.
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Wednesday, 16 February 2011

Pregnancy comment of the day

Posted on 12:00 by Unknown
Every day at work, I literally get at least half a dozen comments of the "you are enormous"/"look like you're going to pop"/"any day now" variety. My favorite recent one was from a partner who usually nods at me in the hall. This time he stopped short and said, "You look SO PREGNANT."

Today somebody asked when I was due and said, "Congratulations! I wish you many more." "Babies?" I asked. "Yes, babies!" he said cheerily. "I think I'm done after this one, but thanks," I replied. (By the way, this person is not a lawyer. Despite the fact that my colleagues feel free to comment on my size and shape, none of them have non-jokingly encouraged me to have lots more babies.)

Once in a while somebody asks, "How's the baby?" The first time, a few months ago, I was totally confused and said, "He's 3 now, not really a baby anymore, but he's doing great, thanks! Oh, you mean this baby [pointing at my belly]? The one inside me? Um, I don't know, he's still in there!" Now that a few more people have asked I've come up with a slightly less awkward answer, some variant of, "Seems like he's doing well, thanks." I just don't understand this question, though. The answer is either that you have no idea how the baby is doing, or you know that something is wrong and you probably don't want to discuss it with the random person asking you. Or maybe they want to hear that you've been feeling the baby kick or something.
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Tuesday, 15 February 2011

More sugar

Posted on 14:52 by Unknown
My post from yesterday reminded me of K's candy-hiding behavior at a recent family party, where his older cousins each had a Pez dispenser and a few packets of Pez:
"K, come upstairs for dinner, please."
"Come back down in five minutes and then I'll come upstairs with you."
"Uh... okay. But no fussing when I come back. You'll come right up and eat your dinner, okay?"
"Deal."
(Five minutes later.)
"K, dinner time... hey, where are your cousins?"
"They went upstairs."
"What are you doing down here by yourself?"
"Eating Laura's Pez."
"Did Laura say that was okay?"
"Welll... no. But here is my plan. While everyone else is upstairs, I will eat all the Pez."
(He got in trouble for that one. And he had to apologize, and we got Laura some new Pez.)

I also found this in my draft folder with the title "morning popsicle negotiation":
"Can I have a popsicle?"
"Yes, after school."
"I have a plan. After breakfast I can get a popsicle. I'll take one lick and put it away."
"Hmm. Let me think about that."
"Are you done thinking?"
"Are you really just going to take one lick and then put the rest back in the freezer?"
"No. I'm going to EAT IT ALL UP!"
"After school."
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Monday, 14 February 2011

Valentine's sugar rush

Posted on 09:46 by Unknown
Last night K woke us up at 2 a.m. AGAIN for no good reason. I can never get back to bed when he does that. This time I gave up and got out of bed around 3:30. I did some work and fell asleep on the couch later, around 5 a.m.

I woke up to K handing me a Valentine's Day card. He had written his name in it, all by himself! (With lots of encouragement and possibly bribery from Daddy, I'm sure.)

I gave him a hug and said, "I made a card for you, and I got you some little Valentine's presents, but you have to find them." Then I looked at the clock and noticed it was after 7 a.m. K must have been up for a while before he came downstairs. Usually he comes straight to our room at our permitted wakeup time of 6 a.m. and demands that one of us play with him. "Wait, did you already find them?"

"Well," he said, "I found some things. I found a wind-up heart with feet, and a picture of a tiger."

"That's right," I said. "And there was a heart-shaped card and a little box. Didn't you see those?"

"Wellll... I found a box of cookies. But I wasn't sure they were for me."

"Yes, there was a little box of candy for you. I wrote your name on it."

"Oh! For me? Thank you, Mommy! I wasn't sure they were for me, so I hid them under my blanket."

"You weren't sure they were for you... so why did you hide them under your blanket?"

"Wellll.... I ate some. In bed. They had a sour taste so I drank some water and the sour taste went away." (They were SweeTarts.)

"You weren't sure they were for you, but you ate some and hid the rest in your bed. And I guess you didn't like the taste."

"No! I love them!" And off he went to retrieve his former contraband.

JW came downstairs a minute later and said, "You let me sleep in."

"I was napping on the couch," I replied. "K didn't wake you up?"

"No," he said. "When I woke up he was just sitting in bed with the lights on, drinking some water. I was surprised because it was past 7."

I should probably be mad about the candy-hiding and eating in bed, but as a fellow sugar fiend I find it hard to blame the kid. I just have to resist the temptation to start leaving candy where he can find it on weekend nights so we can get extra sleep in the morning.
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Saturday, 12 February 2011

Money matters

Posted on 08:00 by Unknown
I've been reading with interest this Slate series by Jessica Grose about how couples manage their finances. She describes three different types of couples, whom she dubs "Common Potters" (completely merged finances), "Sometimes Sharers" (some joint money, some separate), and "Independent Operators" (completely separate).

JW and I are dedicated Common Potters. We got married young enough that neither of us had any significant assets individually, but even if we did I'm pretty sure we would have merged finances without a second thought. The way we see it, once you're married, there's no more "mine" and "yours". Everything is ours, and every financial decision we make affects our entire family whether it's buying a new house together or one of us spending $3 on a cup of coffee instead of putting it into savings. This means that neither of us cares about disparities in our incomes -- since everything is family money, every bit helps no matter who's earning it. The shared approach works well for us because we have similar, fairly conservative, spending habits, and can trust each other to spend and save appropriately. Right now we have plenty of money. We've had times when we've barely scraped by. But we each adjust our discretionary spending accordingly and make saving a priority. We're also each more likely to scrutinize our own spending habits than each other's, and cut back if we feel it's needed. As a result, we don't spend lots of time talking about money. We check in with each other occasionally about our long-term goals and strategy, and each month when our main credit card bill arrives we briefly discuss our spending for the month and whether we should be doing anything different.

I can understand why others choose different approaches, particularly if they have different spending habits, conflicting priorities, or some history that makes them want to maintain more independence. What surprised me when reading Grose's series was how complicated the other methods seem to be. I always thought that the alternative to shared finances would be to either have a joint account for joint purchases and individual accounts with some agreed-upon amount of money deposited each month, or to have separate accounts and agree on some fair method of splitting shared costs. As it turns out, there are myriad ways of arranging your finances as a couple.

The most surprising part, for me, was the complexity of deciding which are shared costs and which are individual costs. I always thought it would be obvious that things like housing and utilities would be shared, and everything else would be pretty much separate. According to the series, though, couples with separate or semi-separate finances go through regular negotiations about whether things like haircuts and maternity clothes should come out of the shared budget or the individual budgets. It would drive me crazy to constantly be negotiating about our finances in that level of detail. I feel like I'd have less independence, when the point is to have more. (Of course, you could make it simpler by skipping the negotiating and deciding in advance that by default, most expenses will be individual and only certain predefined expenses will be shared, or most expenses will be shared and only truly discretionary expenses will be individual.)

I also, for some reason, assumed that in a "Sometimes Sharer" situation, each person would get an equal amount for their "allowance", but it seems most people contribute a fixed percentage of their income to the shared pot and keep the rest for their individual account. It seems weird to me to build an income disparity into your relationship. But I can see how it would work for couples who want to maintain their financial independence, especially if they're older and more established in their spending and saving habits.

There were some unsurprising conclusions in the series -- for instance, the longer couples have been together, the more likely they are to share some finances (the author points out that few senior citizens would insist that their life partner repay them for money contributed to the partner's angioplasty bill), and couples with kids are more likely to both share some finances and to be more successful long-term if they share finances.
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Friday, 11 February 2011

Caffeine

Posted on 18:38 by Unknown
I rarely drink soda, whether pregnant or not. Once every couple of months, if there's a can of Fresca among the beverage choices at a firm lunch, I'll grab it. Otherwise, I'm generally not into carbonation.

This afternoon I suddenly felt the need to drink soda. The store in the lobby didn't have many choices and I ended up with a 20 ounce bottle of Cherry Coke Zero. I drank the whole thing. When I got home I told JW this and he said, "You know that has caffeine, right?"

Oops. It's been so long that I actually forgot most soda contains caffeine. Sorry, baby!

I was exhausted by 8 p.m. as usual, so I'm hoping it didn't have any effect on either of us.

(P.S. - I looked it up and 20 ounces of Coke has less caffeine than half a cup of coffee. No big deal. I'm just surprised that I forgot about this. What else have I forgotten?)
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Party planning

Posted on 13:35 by Unknown
K is turning four in a few weeks.

I remember holding him right after he was born and realizing, "I'M his MOTHER." Since then, whenever I catch myself doing something stereotypically parental, I have similar moments but without the disbelief. Like last weekend when I first uttered the words, "No running with scissors." Or this morning when I filled out the party invitations for each kid in his class.

I thought we'd have a small party with family and a few friends, like last year. But the grandparents all have other plans the weekend before K's birthday (the nerve of them, having their own lives!) and I didn't want to schedule anything for the weekend after because it's so close to my due date. I'll probably be exhausted and I don't want to drag our parents all the way to Boston twice in a potentially short time. 

Anyway, after going to a classmate's party a few months ago, K has been asking about having a party of his own with his friends from school. He'll get his wish -- our party will be pretty much identical, with most of the same kids, at the same indoor playground in our town, except the pizza will be from a different place and the princess theme will be replaced by trucks or monsters. It feels like an awful lot of money to spend for a toddler party, but I don't want a dozen toddlers running around my house and a public park isn't an option during winter in New England. 

So, we'll have to arrange lunch and cake and balloons and goody bags, and coordinate RSVPs. Plus cupcakes for school on Monday, even though it'll be the same group of kids that attend the party. For the actual day of his birthday, I got him some new books, a little rocket launcher with a book about rockets, and a board game he's been asking for. I also got him a more elaborate gift, a toddler digital camera, but we'll save that for when he visits the hospital to meet his new baby brother. I'm hoping to take the day off on his actual birthday and hang out with him all day, maybe take him out to the Children's Museum like last year and have dinner at his favorite restaurant. We'll see if work and pregnancy cooperate.
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Thursday, 10 February 2011

Plenty of time

Posted on 19:34 by Unknown
At work, dormant deals have been springing back to life. I keep getting calls saying, "Remember that deal we put so much time into months ago, and then the client put it on hold? Well, the client just called and they're anxious to close. When are you due again? A whole month? Great, you'll have time to work on this." Sigh.

Today I had to contact a pro bono client I hadn't heard from in a few months. They plan to apply for IRS recognition of their tax-exempt status, but the last few times we talked I warned them that their application will be complicated and may take a while to complete. Since they hadn't started the process yet, I reminded them I'd be out on maternity leave soon and that they should contact Associate X if they wanted to pursue their application. Their reply? "We'll be sure to get it done before you leave." Um, no. I cannot spend half of my remaining time in the office working on something you didn't bother to think about until now. Besides, if they do manage to get it to me in time, it will mean that they did a half-assed job on their part of the application and it will take me twice as long. 

One week until I'm full term. Four (?) weeks until I can walk away and let someone else deal with all this. I'm looking forward to it.
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Monday, 7 February 2011

Super Goal Sunday

Posted on 12:06 by Unknown
At first, K protested when Daddy turned on the football game. Partly because he had to turn off "Word World" (which, by the way, is the most educational TV show EVER, and K's current obsession) and partly because everything not officially G-rated scares K lately. He refused to watch the Pixar "Cars" movie, which I had been saving as a special treat for a sick day. The car race in the first five minutes of the movie was too scary. He even stopped watching one of his favorite shows, "Peep and the Big Wide World", because there was a scene where Chirp turned into a statute and it scared K. I told him to stay in the other room with me if he thought it would be scary, but he couldn't resist peeking and then complaining that he wanted Daddy to turn off the TV.

Despite the terrifying commercials, K started to enjoy the "Super Goal". I was so tired last night that I decided to let him skip eating veggies at dinner and just eat prepared stuff out of the freezer. He ate the last three gingersnaps as a snack, fruit and a soy corn dog for dinner, and his second (or third?) popsicle of the day for dessert. I told him that on Super Bowl day, you get to eat whatever you want for dinner.

After his popsicle, he decided to be brave and watch with Daddy for a few minutes. The VW commercial with the little kid dressed as Darth Vader was too scary because K didn't like his costume. (Naturally, K has never seen or heard of "Star Wars". I think he'd have nightmares for a year.) But he liked the "Captain America" commercial. JW explained that Captain American was a superhero and pointed out his shield. When the game came back on, K got bored and played superheroes for a while, announcing, "I'm Captain Amewica. Here is my pretend shield. Shoot me, Mommy! See? Your balls bounce right off my shield!" JW got him the lid of a laundry hamper to use as a shield. (Thanks to the other boys at school, lately K has been playing that he has a "shooter" and he's going to shoot the bad guys. I don't think he knows the word gun. I'm pretty sure he thinks that "shooters" shoot balls at people.) He liked the beginning of the halftime show, and asked if he could have a light-up suit like the dancers.

This morning K asked, "Is it still the Super Goal? Can I have cookies for breakfast?" Not until your birthday, kid.
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Friday, 4 February 2011

Name angst

Posted on 20:55 by Unknown
Not much new to report this week.

Snow continues to wreak havoc with all our schedules, not to mention just making life more difficult in general.

My belly continues to expand. Staying upright is a challenge. I grow large... I grow large... I shall soon resemble a barge.

K continues to complain when it's time to change out of his pajamas and leave the house. Which I guess is not a bad trait given how this winter has gone.

Today I got the dreaded Friday 4 p.m. phone call saying I'm being staffed on a big deal. As I've confessed here before, at 35 weeks pregnant, this does not make me jump for joy. But I can't exactly tell them that I don't want to do any work, but they should keep paying me. Anyway, in a month or so, no more Friday afternoon phone calls!

Still no name for the baby. I have been preoccupied with finding a name lately, but we can't seem to agree on anything. I'd like to blame JW for being obstructionist, but this week he actually sent me a list of names like he promised. It's probably more me than him. I have all these identity issues tied up in the baby's name. With K's name, we picked an Indian-American crossover name. But it's not like we had a long list to choose from. We didn't really have any backup names that we liked very much. With this baby, we decided to do an American name. But we already have a very American last name. I just can't see myself as the mother of a Mike Smith. I  feel like Mike Smith is a white guy, not my kid. On the other hand, I feel like Vishnu Smith is too far in the other direction. My current plan is that JW and I will come up with a list of names we can both live with, put them in a hat, and let K pick after the baby is born. And then just get used to the name, because it'll be our son. I'm not sure what else to do, since I've been thinking about this for months and we don't have a single name that we both like.
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Posted in pregnancy#2, toddler k, work | No comments
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      • One week of strep, brought to you by flex time
      • Sick kid update
      • Plea of a working mom
      • Way too much detail about my OB appointment
      • Me at 37 weeks
      • Full term
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