Second week back

Still ramping back up. Right now my workload is approximately one-third of what it usually is. Which is good because on the two nights I've brought work home, I have not been able to concentrate on it for longer than an hour. After an hour my brain turns off and I collapse into bed, praying that my children will both let me sleep until morning.

People keep asking me how I'm adjusting to being back. I have given up trying to have an answer for this. Work will change, home will change. I'll get put on a giant deal and never come home for two weeks. The baby will get sick. I'll think there's no way I can continue doing this. Then the baby will get better and my schedule will lighten up. I'll make it home for dinner every night for a week and think everything is fine and why would I ever give up my awesome job (except, of course, for the billable hours).

For now, I'm trying to stop thinking about what our schedule should be like and what I need to do with my career. When X turns one, I'll reevaluate. Near the end my maternity leave, I became convinced that coming back would be a disaster and I signed up for some legal job search sites. I even sent in applications for a couple of in-house positions. But I think I'm going to focus on my current job for a while and try to make it work. Next year I'll have more perspective on my current situation, and more experience in case I do need a change.