Lean In: Chapter 8, Make Your Partner a Real Partner

Chapter 8: Make Your Partner a Real Partner

I was prepared to do some eye-rolling for this chapter. Instead this was the chapter I most strongly agreed with and appreciated in the book. I only wish the title weren't so woman-centric, because the message here is really aimed at men.

This chapter starts out by pointing out discrepancies in hours spent on childcare and household management by men and women, and suggests they should be equal. She argues that women are not more naturally inclined to do this kind of nurturing, and even if we are men can learn to do it just as well. She points out that women need to remember this and not act a "maternal gatekeepers."

Then comes the meaty part: "Unfortunately, traditional gender roles are reinforced not just by individuals, but also by employment policies.... We judge men primarily by their professional success and send them a clear message that personal achievements ate insufficient for them to be valued or feel fulfilled." Men are discouraged, subtly or overtly, from taking any leave of absence to care for babies and from taking advantage of flex-time policies. Stay-at-home dads are ridiculed and feel isolated. We need to overcome these gendered expectations one family at a time by making equal partnerships the norm, where both partners are truly seen as, and believe themselves to be, equally capable and committed to both family and work.

I love this because I think this is the only solution to the "work-life balance" struggle. (A term Sandberg doesn't like, by the way; she says, when you put it that way, who would choose work?) It wouldn't be such a struggle if the workplace had more family-friendly policies. And that will never happen until the people in power face the same issues. That means women AND men need to see themselves as both primary caregivers and dedicated professionals. Otherwise, we continue the traditional pattern of designing a workplace for people who see work as their number one priority and have a backup person who will make the home their number one priority.