Shit people say to me at work

Client: "CM, I know you're out today, so... go ahead and turn the document around today."

Partner: "Hope I didn't ruin your birthday!" (grin)

Opposing counsel, in response to a question about how the recent business negotiations had gone: "There was an exchange of ideas and the parties discussed the status of the deal. In light of that, I think it was very positive in that the parties were able to communicate about their concerns." Dude, just admit you overslept and missed the call.